’ She sighed. ‘It wasn’t the wrong thing to do, exactly. It’s just–it wasn’t the right thing to do, either.’ ‘I know. I know.’ And groaning, I buried my face in my hands. ‘It’s all such a mess. What the hell am I going to do?’ ‘You have to tell her the truth. And she’ll just have to learn to accept that Daniel is no longer part of your life. Her life.’ ‘Huh.’ I shook my head miserably. ‘How? When?’ ‘Today. When we go to visit her after lunch.’ ‘I can’t!’ I let my hands fall away and gazed at her in disbelief. ‘They said she’d need to rest–that she’d need to take it easy this afternoon, remember?’ ‘Oh.’ Her face fell. ‘Of course, she’s having that angina-gram thingy this morning. I forgot.’ ‘Angiogram,’ I corrected. ‘Your brain really is pickled.’ ‘Shut up,’ she muttered with a smile, looking faintly embarrassed. ‘Okay, so maybe not today. Tomorrow then.’ ‘But she’s supposed to be coming home tomorrow.’ Sarah shot me a knowing look. ‘You think that if you tell her, she’s going to have. It was completely my fault. I could notadmit to myself who I was. I am here to change that." I took the noticefrom the captain and ripped it into two equal halves. I crumpled eachand placed them in the plate. I waved to the print on my left, theancient, gravid clay representation of Gaea, the Earth Mother, and tothe print on my right, the beautiful, powerful statue in the Pagliacentral square, the Goddess of Sappho."To Gaea and the Goddess, I swear that I am now a woman. Accept thesepaper balls as a symbolic offering of my masculinity." I lit the twocrumpled-up pieces of paper on the plate. I didn't bat an eye or smileas I watched them burn. As far as I was concerned, it was the truth andmy real balls might as well have been going up in flames. They had beena part of me, but it was over; it was part of the past. I shed a tearwhen the fire went out, but felt a kind of relief. It was over. Thedecision was made and I would live with it.I faced the recorder and spread my hands in my lap,.
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